Only Hope, The
by Rakusa
Summary: The prince and all of the senshi of earth have died. Except Chiba Usagi. Disillusioned, angered and alone with a child, she must find a way to survive. WILL be updated!
1. On The Road

The only hope- reflections of a soul

10/21/04

Summary: The prince and all of the senshi of earth have died. Except Chiba Usagi. Disillusioned, angered and alone with a child, she must find a way to survive.

AN2010: Erg, ok, so... this story has been on my hard-drive since 2004 and I always wanted to upload at least the first chapter to see what you guys have been thinking... So I've finally done it! And I know, this is story 1 million and ten, but guess what, I make no apologies. The only thing I apologize for is that I doubt this will be the last story I upload from awhile back... haha! (or by that standard, completely new stories, as I continue to read and get inspired... pain...)

Chapter 1: On the road.

Summary: every person at one time must do what they never thought they would.

A young woman, barely considered an adult, and not yet twenty clambered down the streets. Her bare feet, cut and bruised, clapped the ground she was eating up. The silence around her echoed the noise back, growing louder with each contact to the ground, before it stopped. The movement didn't. She was nearing the edge of the city, beyond that was only the black river, which was at a current standstill.

Her clothes were ragged and torn, remains of an old pair of jeans and a soft worn sweater that had once been yellow. Now her clothing was caked with mud, as was her pale skin. The only thing she had was a small bundle wrapped and held tightly to her chest. The only time her grip changed was to replace the bundle in another spot of her quickly moving chest.

As she neared the solid river she kept to the sides of the road. Careful to stay out of the way but not allowing her feet to be pushed off the only thing concrete to her. She paused only once to gather her bearings and look down the vast reaching road.

She knew it was too good to believe she wold survive just following this out of the city. She'd soon reach the suburbs and from there she'd have to reevaluate her plan. She would be out in the open without a clear road to travel, unless by highway, which on foot, she would be spotted instantly. Her best chance wold be to find some place to hide in the crowded city, but she couldn't risk it. She had to leave and the only way at the moment was to do so by foot.

The desperation was starting to cloud over her again, tearing away at her rational. She cold feel the impersonal cold slipping into her skin, blocking out even the desperation, hoping to block everything from her, to make her numb, to not even let her feel the pain as her feet pounded against the ground even now. A soft sound distracted her and with that, she trudged on. The road was flat and firm beneath her feet, keeping her grounded in her fear, but she knew at any moment something could shatter.

Like her heart.

Her heart wasn't the only thing she feared would break, her commitment to the others, to herself and the world, her courage. Anything that would allow her to keep moving, she had to hang onto with the remaining strength in her body. She held onto her fragile bundle in her arms. It was the only thing that stopped her from turning around and breaking the promise she had made to everyone, and walking into her own suicide.

As the sun started to peak out again along the horizon, Chiba Usagi knew she had only a few hours to reach her destination. She started to run as fast as she could without making a single sound. Any other person would tire shortly and slow to at least a walk, if not to rest. Usagi wouldn't, she had too much training and years practice to someday do something like this.

Nearing the edges of oblivion, she slowed to a jog as she went through a smaller city. The sun was nearing midway through the sky and beating down a blinding light. Usagi realized she had to get out of the sun, so she slipped into the nearest twenty-four hour store. A huge store where the title pronounced its name in obnoxiously large letters 'Walmart', and she briefly wondered what it meant. Slipping pass all store personnel, she found herself amongst rows of appliances.

People either ignored her or gave her pitying looks as they continued on with their shopping. One little girl kept staring at her arms, wondering, perhaps what was within them, if not curious about the long lines or red on the browned-yellow. Usagi tightened her grip and moved quickly as she darted away from the inquiring eyes. With luck she found the furniture section of the store, one that hardly anyone visited and went into the back to where she couldn't be seen from any regular passersby. She sagged down onto the striped mattress of a small futon, bone weary and still on high alert, drifted off into a light sleep, holding her precious bundle close to her.

Enough time had passed for Usagi to regain some of her energy and she woke to hear voices several feet from her. "I don't get it, I saw her come over here two hours ago." A male voice said.

"I know, I saw her on the tapes, she looks really pitiful doesn't she?" The other man agreed. "I wonder what was in her arms."

"Probably her spare clothes." A third man chuckled. "I wonder if she stole those too."

Where she was probably couldn't be seen on the monitors and so they still didn't know exactly where she was, which bought her a small window of time. She laid on the futon for a second, daring not to breath or make even a small twitch. Slowly she slid off of the couch and she pushed herself backwards with only the use of her legs and scotted her butt into an aisle on the way to the door. She closed her eyes tightly and hoped she could conjure up an image to fool the three men.

"Hey! Hold it!" Usagi jerked slightly and her eyes popped open at the shout, and when the solses of the feet hitting the ground moved away from her, she allowed herself to breath. Releasing her breath, she carefully stood. With the copy running around the store, she'd be able to sneak out without being noticed. She stopped in mid-step to just abandon the store as the contents of the aisle caught her attention.

She was in the baby section. Using her accident to her advantage she pulled off the shelves several supplies she needed and placed them in her subspace pocket. She spun on her toe and headed into the food section, a lump building in her throat as she thought about what she was doing and a plan of action developed in her head. "Look at me now, Mamo-chan." Her voice cut off as she whispered more to herself than anybody else that could possibly be near her. "Look at the ease in which I destroy everything we ever stood for. Look how easy it is to become a thief."

Her double would go any place she wasn't and allow the men to be near enough to see her but not to catch her. Usagi pulled at random several bottles of water, catching a few flavored ones as well in her haste, and any food that wouldn't spoil. She snagged a box of matches as well to add to her collection. If she was going to steal, she might as well steal all that she could need.

She almost ran into a woman coming down an aisle and Usagi moved to the otherside to avoid her, more than adequate space between them. Usagi hustled off toward the clothing, she was not sure how long she could hold all of this together. She pulled everything from black to bright to fatigues. She put in baby clothes and the warmest blankets they had and several hats and gloves and even a coat. Not knowing what else to take, Usagi decided to leave and exited the building without any trouble through the back.

She took off with a sprint, and as she neared the closest housing development, she called off her double. Leaving the three men to gape in shock as the woman they were chasing disappeared into thin air.

The sky darkened and was turning into night. She settled back into the shadows to stay ot of view. In the daylight she was like any other tourist or bum but at night, she had to follow their procedures. She saw a sign saying 'welcome to...' she knew she was in the next suburb and decided to go down the neighborhood streets.

Usagi rubbed a hand over the bundle as it stirred in her arms and then dropped her hand to her waist. Her eyes were like a hawk's and she could see light was coming from a pole in the ground to give late-night-strollers guidance. A car sat outside of one of the houses in the neighborhood she wandered down. The house was darkened and the only light displayed was in the far reaches of the house and several floors up.

With a gulp, Usagi strolled up to the car and tried the handle, the door was unlocked.

It was with a sad heart that Usagi slid into the driver seat, having to break the rare occasion of having such a trusting neighborhood, albeit in a suburb, but so near a city. She hated to break the innocence that this home owner had and its extension to the rest of the cities. However it was only a clear reminder that the horrors she faced had not yet reached the real world, the world that had depended so heavily upon her and her friends.

Choking back the sob that wanted to take over her form, she positioned her bundle safely in the passenger seat, trying to vainly hope that nothing would happen to the small object while she wasn't holding it or looking at it as she ducked under the steering wheel and easily found the correct wires, changing them around and reconnecting them again.

The sweetest sound that Usagi could possibly hope for at the moment came to her ears. The engine purred smoothly and wasn't loud enough to be of concern for either anger at the noise so late at night, nor cause the owner alarm over their car. Usagi adjusted the mirrors and pulled the bundle back to her chest, holding it tightly to her before she backed down the driveway. Completing the ninety-degree back out, she threw the switch into drive and tore off down the road, they wouldn't even notice until morning.

Usagi drove for several hours on the freeway, getting as much distance between her and Tokyo as she could, until she found the most off beaten path. From there she kept driving, making random turns and straightaways. From there she kept driving until exhaustion took her over again. She pulled underneath a tree, picked up her bundle, crawled into the back seat and pulled out a blanket. She pulled it over them and drifted off to sleep.

Usagi woke with dawn and continued on her path. She turned on the radio and through the static heard the soft ballad of one of the most over-played songs in Japan. It gave Usagi grounding, the fact that nobody else had been affected by the disaster she had lived through, gave her a sense of relief, nobody would know to be looking for her, to place her with her counter-part, or make the connection. By the time they figured out the only way to connect her to the senshi, that connection would be severed, she would be far away from the scene and they wouldn't know her to be one in the same. The danger would never reach her or find her.

It was almost a delirious feeling overwhelming her now, breaking the bonds of the reality she had known for so long. Not recognizing the other feelings within her, the ones that would have to come to terms with all that she lost. At the moment, she could only think of what she had gained. A freedom she had never known, not even before her life became so entangled.

However her body kept one more foot on the ground than her mind, and kept her going, knowing she wasn't yet safe. Wasn't yet out of danger's path, and that she wasn't alone in this mission. If she had been, then there wouldn't have been a mission like this, but since she wasn't, it was the only thing that kept her going.

Not seeing a gas station since she left the highway with a full tank of gas, she entered a standstill as her car spluttered to a stop. She was in the middle of nowhere with nothing for defense and she had nowhere to go. Usagi sighed and leaned against her seat, picking her precious bundle up, and got out of the car.

She used the resources she had around her, using her weakened state to push the car against a tree, away from first sight. She threw branches and twigs over it, hoping to help disguise it. Exhausted from the task, she sank against the tree and breathed heavily, holding the small object wrapped in rags and peering down into the small face of the newly born child. She did not fuss, too much like her father. Any fussing she did do, Usagi tried to soothe, and hid the noise from all others, so only she could hear. It wasn't only to keep people from looking at them, criticizing, but also to keep them hidden, unaware. Had she cried in numerous occasions thus far, the location would have been blown and they wouldn't have made it this far.

Usagi fed the child, before standing and dredging onwards. She had no destination, but when she got there, she'd know where it was.


	2. Pushing Limits

The only hope- reflections of a soul

10/21/04

Summary: The prince and all of the senshi of earth have died. Except Chiba Usagi. Disillusioned, angered and alone with a child, she must find a way to survive.

Chapter 2: Pushing Limits

Summary: To achieve greatness, one must push past the boundaries they already know exist.

* * *

AN: So... from this chapter onward, it's a completely 2010 story...

AN2: I'm not sure about these chapter titles/summaries, I had started out doing them, but I only had the first one and most of chapter 1 before I stopped typing it, and frankly, I don't remember exactly what I was doing, but I still remember the general gist of it, story wise at least, if not what I had laid out for Chapter titles and summary details per chapter... sigh, it seems like it would be a neat idea, doesn't it?

AN3:This chapter, I'm going to have to direct your attention to a very cute story, called: "You Killed Santa Claus!" Because I do not want to rewrite what the lovely author: ChibiCori has done, while it's only a reference to it, because the scenes you will be reading in my story are not actually written in hers, just what I wished would have happened instead, but really wouldn't have worked in her story at all the way I'm intending these to go. I just don't want to do a whole back story when it's already been done on Mamoru and Usagi working at the mall as the Santa duo, and really, this isn't the only story that's done it either, but I really like the way ChibiCori set it up, as not being a roping in or school thing, which is fine too, but this one is just kind of really funny how he got forced into it... and Usagi's just so cute in Mamo's eyes when he first sees her... haha! But that's for you to read. (notes at the end)

–

She was numb to the world, her feet automatically doing what her brain had originally planned on them doing, then turning off. Her walk was never ending. She tripped and caught herself, she grew tired and weary, and yet she did not stop, except to hydrate herself, feed the two of them and to sleep as night feel.

Never was there a better child than the one she held in her arms. The child slept most of the time, as if knowing her mother could do no more than the basics, and would have splintered off at her wits ends if the child fussed nonstop, unhappy with every lot in life, and making her opinion known, even though there was nothing that could be done about it, and because they could. If anyone saw the dirty and battle-worn girl, they would have probably imagined her to be a zombie's lunch, not fit to become a zombie herself, and not eatable either pass first chomp.

She felt that way too, on the rare occasion she allowed herself to feel what her body was telling her. Or when it forced its way in. She wasn't greedy though, she just wanted to get to do what she already knew her body capable of and then she'd stop. She didn't want to break boundaries, those walls are what kept her together right now. If she fell apart, then there would be no putting back together of the pieces. She might just fail everything she was attempting before she even started and _everything_ she was going through right now would have been a waste.

So she firmed up her defenses, even if they were just mental and forged ahead.

She didn't know how long she lasted, before her feet, unable to lift from the ground, only now shuffling, caught a rock and she went flying forward. She encased the child in her arms, protecting her from the blow of not only the ground, but also from her mother's body as it descended, not allowing her weight to crush the small delicate child.

The ties that were so wrapped around this child from Usagi were extremely maternal. She had been preparing for this life's entrance into her own for several months. She had actually read books to read up on what to be expecting, and had cared for the unborn baby growing inside of her, depending on her for survival. Something that had not changed. Something that made her protect the child even now, even if it wasn't a link between her and her husband. That would be a very hard bond to sever when the time came. Even when the child no longer depended solely on her for life. When her daughter could be given a better life with someone else.

Her thoughts broke for one moment, splintering back to a situation that would soon face the child in her arms, a child who wouldn't even have a picture or the faint idea of a memory. One that might never know she had biological parents out there, if she ever learned that the one raising her, wasn't her parent, in the traditional sense. If she got parents. But looking down at the gorgeous bundle in her arms, she couldn't imagine anyone not wanting her. But no one would be there to explain the odd occurrences going on in her life, no one could prepare her for a world that was out to get her. No horrifying, but strangely gentle lead in to the greater battle, the one she would be thrust into. Would she ever trust, or love, like her mother did, like her father learned how to? Even if Usagi survived to raise her child, would the child love her in return? Or would she always resent the parent that caused the other's death? That she couldn't save the one that should have raised her, the one that could provide for her in so many ways. Instead of being stuck with the failure, the one that failed her entire life, and was going to be a failure as a parent as well. It wasn't looking up for her, not when this was the beginning.

Or would the child hate herself, like the father she would never know, hated himself. Usagi remembered that despite the strength and heroic, brave and superior nature of the man, the child before the success had not always been. That child, the boy that had grown into the man she loved, had a very self-destructive personality, underneath it all. He had changed with help, but it had been a long time in working on him, and he worked on her. They weren't trying to change each other, but help the other be the best they could be, to help them when they were lost without the others guidance. She was lost now, but she she could still recall when it had been him, that she supported. Him that had needed her comforting. It was easy to say that he had done it more often for her, but while there had only been one big revelation, one big emotional day, every day was a support for each other, in so many small ways. Her presence had been enough some days, uninvited, unexpected, and never unappreciated. Especially for a man who had spent a lifetime alone, wanting someone to be there, to understand.

It had started out like any normal day. Then he had told her, but not to her face, but to another lonely sad child*. However, afterward, when they hardly knew each other, but knew each other better than anyone else in the world, and knew the most important things, they had talked.

She had just held him then. Wrapped her arms around his shoulders and put his head against the crook in her neck and held him, rocking back and forth, not talking except for the occasional soothing sound. She didn't know how long they had held that position, sitting on his couch, her comforting him. Neither pulled away for a long time and after that finally happened, him making the first move to break apart. He had walked with her to the door, where she had hugged her small frame around his torso before leaving. Nothing more, nothing less, just hugging and being there for him.

Perhaps one day she'd be able to do it for their child as well. Perhaps one day, someone else would be there for her as well, a lover, a friend. Usagi didn't know, she only prayed that the little girl would inherent the best of both her parents. Usagi knew she needed it right now, but nobody was there to give it to her. Not her own parents, not her brother, not her husband and not her friends, none of them, not even the new ones. With that knowledge, she hardened her resolve and pushed on, missing the slight stumble from her exhausted legs, or not caring.

–

A thought filtered in as the night grew cold, she'd never seen it this cold at night in the late summer. At least not in Japan. If felt like winter. A winter that would have been the first they shared with the premature baby, having just been brought into the world. The due date had been October 14th. It was September. She was just under eight months along at the time. Usagi had been a premature baby as well, so much so, that she had been hooked up to the monitors and breathing machines and warmer. She doubted Mamoru had been anything but punctual. A child by him should have been as well, but it was ok, for the baby popped out between them, but it hadn't been by choice. Situations had forced the issue. If anything though, Usagi should have been after the due date, always late to everything, never early. Maybe she had lashed out at the separation, and so had taken to sleeping to get that back.

Usagi felt like sleeping, so much so that her legs stopped carrying her. The child had been conceived, Minako had informed her, succinctly taking the wind out of Ami's sails, because Minako knew Ami wouldn't have announced it with such aplomb. It didn't matter, because it had make not only Usagi and Mamoru's ears red to be announced so loudly and assuredly in a very crowded, and very nice restaurant to share the news with everyone else, family as well, but all of theirs as well. Minako announced that Mamoru knocked Usagi up on Valentines day! Minako of course, being the only one not embarrassed but over-joyed at the idea that her one day of the year was the cause of Usagi and Mamoru were now procreating and with such ready assurances that they'd all be beautiful.

Looking down now at the little girl who was the cutest baby Usagi had ever and it wasn't biased in the least, Usagi had cooed at many a cute baby in her time, she knew Minako was at least half right. They did create beautiful children, but this would be the only one.

A chill ran through Usagi, who pulled out a blanket to lay it on the ground, they were in the mountains now, not far, but enough to cause temperature changes. She pulled out the other heavy blankets and a pillow and laid them out as well before pulling out the heavy coats she had stolen, to wrap the baby in them, before pulling her close and pulling the blankets over herself. She had found a hallow in the hillside she was at, but it wasn't much. It blocked a little of the wind, but not much else.

The chill reminded her of the one Christmas season they'd shared together before they realized exactly what they had, but after they became friends. Usagi was forced to work**, and she did it to please her parents, and to please everyone she knew, so she could buy all the presents she wanted, forcing herself to enjoy the holiday after learning the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. Mamoru caused a spectacle, ending up with an unconscious Santa on Usagi's hands and looking for a replacement. Mamoru hadn't volunteered, but he became her new one reluctantly, taking it with a knock in the chin. He did marvelously and it was after the second day on the job, that Usagi knocked on the little hut that housed his changing room.

He didn't answer at first. She knocked again, knowing he wasn't out yet, because otherwise he'd be waiting for her. He never let her walk home alone if he was with her, not even before their mutual understanding. He also hated it when guys either made lewd comments or looked at her funny for too long. Then again, Makoto had punched a guy for grabbing at her when they walked by one day, so she couldn't find any fault in his behavior.

Her second knock got a gruff: "Go Away!"

She poked her head in, eyes closed. "Are you decent?"

"I guess." He growled at her and she peaked open one eye, and almost fell on her behind. Mamoru had taken off the Santa suit, and returned to his normal clothing. His red hat was off and everything looked normal, even the slightly flattened hair was again disheveled. Except that he still had his white beard on. It looked almost real, when his jet black hair wasn't showing like it was, causing a contrast that would never be believable, no matter who tried it or how. It wasn't the type of beard that normally got glued together, and this time it _was_ glued to his face, after a kid broke the last of the strings.

Mamoru was standing there, the rare jeans adorning his hips and long, long legs, a black long sleeve shirt, tighter than what should be legal, and arms crossed over his chest, under the same comical beard. He looked put out. "Don't you dare laugh." He warned, clearly not amused. His black motorcycle jacket was next to his knee on the bench where she had caught him in various states of undressed throughout their time together working here. He reached up and tugged at the end again. "It won't come off."

Usagi couldn't help the laugh as she walked in purposefully, right up to him and swatted away his hand. "While it would be funny to see what the girls and Motoki would say to you. I can understand how distracting this might be for your classmates and teachers." She reached up and tugged on the beard.

"Ow." He hissed. "That hurts. What kind of glue did you give me? Permanent?"

Usagi's eyes twinkled. She tugged on it again, forcing his head to follow her hand, which pulled his face right up to hers, and with her other hand, she thread her fingers through the black silky locks and angled his head so hers lips would fit perfectly against his. It was a bold move, and very, very risky. It could have ended their friendship right then, but somehow she didn't think it would. There had been unspoken passion between them and the teasing had gone from mean to playful to flirting instantly. She kissed him, and she waited on baited breath as he stood there frozen for a long time. Then he responded, dropping whatever was in his hands to fill them up again with her. He pulled her close and responded with more enthusiasm than she could have dreamed up.

When they parted, both breathing heavy, he quipped, but it didn't ruin the moment. "I didn't know you liked the beard. Maybe I'll grow one out."

"I only liked the white beard." She whispered back.

"I may have to be concerned about you. Chasing around old men that look like Santa Claus."

She batted her eyelashes, her lips quirking up slightly. "I hate to break it to you, but you look nothing like Santa."

"I thought you told everyone, I was the real deal."

"And you are." The whisper caused his eyes to sharpen on her lips just to make out the words and when he did, those lips got the reward they were looking for. He tugged her close again and sat, hard on the bench, bringing her with him.

Usagi couldn't remember how they got the beard off of him, or exactly how long they spent kissing each other in that gingerbread house. It didn't go any further then, they both knew how wrong it would be, even if no one could see in on them.

Usagi held back the sob, and pulled the little girl closer to her, trying not to bring her too close or too tightly, not wanting to suffocate her. But also needing to keep her as warm as she could. The little girl let out a small coo, happy and not noticing any thing wrong. Nor could she, she had never known anything different.

It was with a heavy heart, and strangled tears, even if the child wouldn't understand or be concerned by its mothers behavior, Usagi couldn't let them fall, couldn't let it break. So she held it all back, and tried to ignore it. Though she continued to torture herself with small glimpses into the life she once had, would never have again.

Though they were few and far between, she felt the prick of memory when something ripped in and reminded her of something else. That night, it had been as cold as this, and when they went outside, Usagi had not been prepared for the weather, and especially not after how hot it had been inside all day. Mamoru handed her his jacket and a ride home, and she had never been more comfortable.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get comfortable again.

* * *

One big giant EAN:

*It's the scene where Darien's telling the little girl his story. (in mine, it doesn't happen at the mall... or really anywhere for that matter)

**The whole basis for the Killed Santa story, but also later when he's undressing, it's that point that I'm pinpointing. They don't kiss in the Fic that inspired this scene... I do think these scenes though are important in my own story, but I was using the other one as a... well back when, before this story even takes place, there is a history behind their relationship.***

I hope you all can see that I took ideas gained from that one story to morph them into this. But I do think it's important for you to read that story, at some point to gain an idea on why those things might have happened. But not necessary. I think I explained enough, don't you? The outline of events took place, but then I changed them completely, as they never happened in ChibiCori's story.

***I know its an astric to an astric, but this is important, kind of, this story is kind of the sequel to all the stories on FFN because they can all be back stories to this one in some way, well not all, but you get my drift, right? That the anime and the manga are back stories too, and the live action and the musical and whatever else is out there. The story is the story's background.

* * *

Disclaimer

Does that make any sense to anyone? If not, just ignore my little rambling there at the end. No copyright infringement on anyone, no fellow Authors, creators of the wonderful series or artistic creations. The only thing I can vaguely claim is artistic license in my convoluted messed up (Not a What-if, rather a...) alternative Reality (? or is it Universe? I forget at the moment. If it can be called either of those).


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